I'm a smart person.
Just thought I'd remind you before I start telling you about how dumb I can be.
Despite the fact that I'm intelligent, creative, good-looking (okay slight exaggeration), and humble (no exaggeration), I have one weakness.
Yes, just one.
Spelling.
But I was redeemed by a handsome prince who was a walking spelling bee contestant.
My husband.
And he loves the fact that I ask him how to spell everything in the world.
But why? What's the truth behind his NEED to be asked how to spell?
I didn't know the whole story until after we were married, so usually our interactions were unhealthy. For example:
I would try to spell something, he would laugh, and I would be like, "Okay, how to do YOU spell it." (Jerk face.)
He would proudly cock his head to the side and spell it like he was IN a freaking spelling bee.
Then he'd repeat the word after he spelled it and smile proudly.
"Gold star's in the mail," I would think to myself.
Then one day, we had a BREAK THROUGH in our relationship.
Our marriage was solidified by ONE simple question.
"Why the heck do you get all cocky when I ask you how to spell a word?" I asked.
He paused for a moment. His eyes got all intense. Yes. He was remembering something and it wasn't pleasant.
"It all started in the fourth grade."
Oh boy, we need a therapist here right away! I wish there was some three-digit number you could call to get therapist intervention to come to your house in these revealing moments.
No number. Had to listen.
"It was down to me and Bender."
Curse Bender forever and ever! (Whaaallllaaa), evil spell dispensed.
"Okay, who names their kid Bender?" I interrupted.
He gave me THE LOOK and I shut up.
"So it was down to the wire on this spelling bee. It was my chance to become the spelling bee champion. Giving me power to rule and reign the elementary school and help my self-esteem development from that moment throughout the eternities. (Okay I took a little bit of artistic exaggeration for that part.)
"I was ask to spell the word ascot. I was desperate for help. I spelled it 'A-S-K-E-T.' "
Yeah. That sounds right to me.
Then he spelled it for me the CORRECT way.
"It's A-S-C-O-T."
Just thought I'd remind you before I start telling you about how dumb I can be.
Despite the fact that I'm intelligent, creative, good-looking (okay slight exaggeration), and humble (no exaggeration), I have one weakness.
Yes, just one.
Spelling.
But I was redeemed by a handsome prince who was a walking spelling bee contestant.
My husband.
And he loves the fact that I ask him how to spell everything in the world.
But why? What's the truth behind his NEED to be asked how to spell?
I didn't know the whole story until after we were married, so usually our interactions were unhealthy. For example:
I would try to spell something, he would laugh, and I would be like, "Okay, how to do YOU spell it." (Jerk face.)
He would proudly cock his head to the side and spell it like he was IN a freaking spelling bee.
Then he'd repeat the word after he spelled it and smile proudly.
"Gold star's in the mail," I would think to myself.
Then one day, we had a BREAK THROUGH in our relationship.
Our marriage was solidified by ONE simple question.
"Why the heck do you get all cocky when I ask you how to spell a word?" I asked.
He paused for a moment. His eyes got all intense. Yes. He was remembering something and it wasn't pleasant.
"It all started in the fourth grade."
Oh boy, we need a therapist here right away! I wish there was some three-digit number you could call to get therapist intervention to come to your house in these revealing moments.
No number. Had to listen.
"It was down to me and Bender."
Curse Bender forever and ever! (Whaaallllaaa), evil spell dispensed.
"Okay, who names their kid Bender?" I interrupted.
He gave me THE LOOK and I shut up.
"So it was down to the wire on this spelling bee. It was my chance to become the spelling bee champion. Giving me power to rule and reign the elementary school and help my self-esteem development from that moment throughout the eternities. (Okay I took a little bit of artistic exaggeration for that part.)
"I was ask to spell the word ascot. I was desperate for help. I spelled it 'A-S-K-E-T.' "
Yeah. That sounds right to me.
Then he spelled it for me the CORRECT way.
"It's A-S-C-O-T."
Good to know. Now I can sleep.
"What the crap is an ascot?" I ask--cot him. (Hehe. Sorry, my mom's humor is coming out.)
"It's a scarf."
Wow. Impressive. I had no idea what an ascot was and I'm 29.
"I never entered another spelling bee after that," he added in a dead-like tone.
Wow. Not impressive.
So every time I ask him to spell something, he gets it right, (partially because I can only spell on a third grade level, but I don't ever remind him of that especially since he's been so traumatized).
And then he feels sooo good inside. This boosts his ego, still wounded from the fourth grade, and I don't have to worry about clicking on spell check every five seconds.
His ego and my weakness balance each other out.
That's how most relationships work on various levels.
Don't worry, Honey, you will always be the "Spelling Bee" champion in our house.
Now that's love.
"It's a scarf."
Wow. Impressive. I had no idea what an ascot was and I'm 29.
"I never entered another spelling bee after that," he added in a dead-like tone.
Wow. Not impressive.
So every time I ask him to spell something, he gets it right, (partially because I can only spell on a third grade level, but I don't ever remind him of that especially since he's been so traumatized).
And then he feels sooo good inside. This boosts his ego, still wounded from the fourth grade, and I don't have to worry about clicking on spell check every five seconds.
His ego and my weakness balance each other out.
That's how most relationships work on various levels.
Don't worry, Honey, you will always be the "Spelling Bee" champion in our house.
Now that's love.
Brent is a spelling bee champ. He got third place in the state bee in 8th grade, and his mom STILL talks to this day about how he was robbed! Brent was happy because third place had the best prize of a TV so he was not one to lament the loss for too long.
ReplyDeleteBrent is not as nice about spelling words for me though. Especially the time I asked him how to spell our last name after being married for four years.
Please tell me you have seen "Spellbound". If you have not I will personally drive out to Mona and make you watch it myself.
ASCOT. Like MASCOT, without the M. Makes sense. Totally different meaning. I would have never guessed it was a scarf.
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling that I'm gonna have fun reading this blog. You're hilarious.
Michelle! Funny! I didn't know how to spell Isaacs name until one year after we were married and I was trying to sign his name on some applications!! See! We were meant to room together. Yes, I've seen spellbound and you would have thought I was watching a suspense murder movie. I was on the edge of my seat for most of it and had to pee like crazy when it was over!!
ReplyDeleteMaybe Ike should talk to Brent about recovering from his spelling bee loss. It might be good therapy.
I didn't now what an ascot was ither if it maks you fill beter.
ReplyDelete