Do You Suffer from a "Fartless" Marriage?

With all the talk on "sexless marriages" my ADD mind has gone to a new dilemma. I have yet to meet many in this predicament, yet I like to reach out to the few and lonely on my blog.

What about "fartless" marriages?

With a society so obsessed with Sex, we forget the little things, like passing gas.

So here I go.

Aww. That felt better. Just kidding.

It all started in college. I met this guy. Seemed nice, normal.

Ate breakfast with him everyday. We became great friends. Then he revealed something to me, and I knew from the very bottom of my soul that we would NEVER get married.

"I will never fart in front of my wife," he stated.

I dropped my fork in disbelief.

"That is the craziest thing I've ever heard of!" I retorted back.

"It's not appropriate. I think it's unattractive."

"Look," I said with unsurpassed passion, "farting can be VERY bonding. I mean, once you fart in front of someone, it's like you are officially friends forever--no it's more than that. You just don't get it, do you?"

He looked at me in utter disgust.

Whatever.

A "fartless" marriage just waiting to happen.

So I went on my merry little way.

Who needs him?

Then I met my hubby.

After a few dates, I had to ask him.

"Do you believe in farting in front of someone if you're really close?"

"Heck ya! What am I suppose to do? Hold it in my whole life?"

My heart raced with passion.

Then after a few months, we knew we loved each other very much.

We were at the park, it was late.

I was pushing him on the swing. Yes, I was pushing him.

We were laughing and talking, then complete silence.

He slowly swung over my head and farted.

"Whoops," was all he said.

I stared laughing so hard.

He stopped swinging.

I asked him right then and there, "You really love me, don't you?"

"Yep."

Wow.

We were married soon after.

To this day, we can pass gas in front of each other.

Some days, I wish I hadn't been so open.

But the alternative is to walk around in constant pain--literally.

That could have huge repercussions, physically and emotionally.

So even though less would be great, having a "fartless marriage" would leave out some crucial elements.

For instance:

Trust: I know that no matter how bad the day is, he still loves me.

Stress relief: nothing's worse than holding it in.

Maturity: you know they understand that everyone does it. Just because you fart, it doesn't make you less than. It makes you HUMAN.

So as couples, we need to stop hiding behind the "sexless" marriage plague and start talking about REAL issues.

Glad I CAN on this blog.

This blog is dedicated to Kim Ryan who thinks farting is the funniest thing in the world!