Okay, eventually I would like to be a therapist who helps empower other women. So I turn to my first instinct, Dr. Laura Schlessinger. What a mistake! The first book I chose was, "10 Stupid Things Couples do to Mess up Their Relationships."
The title of this book should be, "10 Stupid Couples I like to Work With."
I would have read it!
I hate to ruin it for those of you who have never read it, but in a nutshell, it sucks.
Sorry, I just told you the whole book.
This is the part that gets me the most. She is speaking of a husband who likes to check out other women in public, in front of his wife. Yes, he's a moron. The wife is wondering if she should address it or let it go.
Address it.
Good choice, Dr. Laura!
But what really upset me was Dr. Laura's advice on HOW to address it. Are you ready for this?
"If your husband is checking out another woman, you need to yell as loud as you can,
'You're right honey! She is good looking.' "
Yeah. Right!
And then who looks more like an idiot--you or your husband? I'll tell you.
YOU!
So to redeem wives who are stuck with a husband who is chronically checking out other women in public, here is my two cents of advice. You say to your husband, "Excuse me. You are being disrespectful. I am leaving."
Then you get in your car and drive home. You leave your husband at the store/restaurant/ wherever the crap you are, and make him figure out how in the world he is going to get home.
When he calls--which he may--don't answer.
If you're going to answer anyway, you simply say, "I'm sorry, I will not be with someone who is disrespectful. If you choose to be that way, I will not be there. I'm not victim and I won't be treated like a piece of meat." Then you hang up.
He will learn how to treat you.
You will feel empowered and better about yourself. Your marriage will probably improve.
And Dr. Laura listeners will be stuck with crappy husbands who like to be humiliated in public.
So the next time you are in a store and you hear a lady yell, "You're right, Honey! She is good looking!"
Take pity. They are another victim of Dr. Laura's self righteous, poor advice.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
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Jodi, I miss you! You make me laugh. I wish I could have seen you while we were in Utah, but we weren't there very long=( I love your new blog! Love it!
ReplyDeleteJust wondering if you have any experience leaving your husband in a public place. I do! And what does your husband think of this blog. I could never write stuff like this, about holes in buckets and stuff like that
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ReplyDeletemy hubby has no idea this exists. It is a secret society. Just kidding! He thinks it's funny. It use to bother him that I am open about how imperfect our marriage is, but eventually he got use to it. Now he can laugh at himself and all the stupid things we have done. Really, it's all kinda funny in a morbid sort of a way.
ReplyDeleteYes. I have left him in public place and it is the best solution.
You treat people how to treat you and you dont have to look like an idiot in the process.
Our marriage is imperfect, but once we realized it, it made it easier to work on. No need for shame! We all go through crap. It's just the way it is. I hope this site helps women come out of isolation and talk about their stuff. It will get a little deeper as time goes on, but I would like to keep the humor in it too!
Sorry, meant to write, you TEACH people how to treat you.
ReplyDeleteShocking. You really need an eye opener to real life and how to treat a man.
ReplyDeleteAs an actual therapist, I will agree that Dr. Laura's suggestion is bogus. However, I also don't think a histrionic reaction such as the or your suggest is healthy either. How about some honesty "honey, I know you're looking at that woman and it makes me uncomfortable and I feel disrespected.". Then you have an honest conversation about how his actions make you feel when you get home. What if everytime your husband thought you were being unreasonable he left you at the store without a ride? Is this the kind of problem solving technique you want to be advocating?
ReplyDeletehonestly, your advice isn't all that great either. How about standing up to him, telling him he's being a jerk, and giving him the cold shoulder for a while. That sounds reasonable.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous(es). I appreciate your replies. Both of them. But let me explain the point the blog. It is not to show other women how to think the "right" way. It's to show other women how we often think period. Many times in my life and my marriage, I do the right, perfect thing. And then there's all the other times. This blog is about all those times I believe I 'm right, when I'm really wrong, a little off, or just being a little crazy. That's what most people relate to. I have found most of us know the right answers, but we feel some relief when we find that other people aren't always perfect. This is not really advise, it to show people that great people, marriage, etc, have really crazy moments too.
ReplyDeleteMen can't help but oogle women, that is in our genetic makeup, if you knew anything about psychology or physiology you would not publish such a bland article. Also, Dr. Laura is an idiot, I do agree with you on that.
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