I've been gone for while. I quit blogging. I quit a lot of things. But I have a good reason. And yes, it has funny elements to it, because most things do, you just have to find IT. So here IT goes.....
My sweet hubby and the kids were all sitting in church. I was the last to join them. I sat down next to my husband and began whispering about plans after church.
Then "IT" hit. At the time, I didn't know what "IT" was but I did know this."IT" would cause me to go completely paralyzed. "IT" looked like I had a blood sugar problem- which I didn't -and "IT" had only happened 2-3 times in the past month, and "IT" was happening at church, in front of everyone. And "IT" was about to become a really awkward and life changing experience.
I looked at my hubby and said. "IT is happening again."
Trying to not cause a scene, my hubby whispered, "IT will be okay."
My head went down into my lap and though my eyes were closed, tears fell all over my cute pencil skirt.
My hubby took my limp head and propped it up on his shoulder.
Now the Tears were covering his blue dress shirt.
He managed to pass the sacrament to the kids with one hand, while propping up my head with the other.
And though "acting natural" was his main goal, "IT" had never lasted this long in the past, and "IT" was not ending.
"I'm going to pick you up" he whispered in my ear.
The ironic thing is that when "IT" happens, I can hear everything. I never loose consciousness, but I can't respond. My mind began to race. My knight and shining armor was about to drop his sweet little princess flat on her butt. How sad.
But I couldn't move, I couldn't respond.
"I'm going to have 2 other guys help me"- he whispered.
Nice. I can hear them talking to their wives later, "You know Sister Evans is much heavier than she looks...."
And like a dead horse, they picked me up.
Up my legs went in the air with with my red boots dangling. UP my bra went towards my chin.
And all I could think was, 'Im so glad I can't see what I look like."
Then the men laid me down in a room off to the side. Immediately other specialist, Dr.'s and Nurses came to help. I didn't know what was happening which made IT even worse. After 10 minutes of shaking, and being unable to respond, IT calmed down and I began to regain consciousness.
I slowly opened my eyes and saw all the people trying to help me.
"Holy Sh---!" I whispered, and then "Sorry" in the next breath.
Then IT hit again, and all I could think is, "I might be dying and those were my last words!" NICE.
As I was laying there, bra gently edging towards my chin, I was hoping that "IT" was a temporary problem.
2 weeks later "IT" got a name. Cataplexy and Narcolepsy.
And through my experience over the last year and a half, I have learned that everyone has an "IT". IT just has a different name for each person. Sometimes we can see IT, but most of us hide "IT" pretty well.
And "IT" has a lot of baggage. Because "IT" took a lot of things from me, such as:
*IT stole my independence
* IT drained my savings
* IT caused me to loose my home
* IT paralyzed me 20 to 30 times a day
* IT took away all my superficial vanities
* IT requires a lot of attention
But here is the beauty of all of our "IT's". For everything IT takes away, IT always give more back. And it's ironic how that happens. But even as I write this post, I struggled to find what IT has taken, even though I see "IT's" losses everyday, and I have cried countless times over IT. IT gives so abundantly, that IT is tough to ignore.
* IT forced me to slow down and listen to my children ( when I am paralyzed I can hear but I can't talk :))
* IT forced me to stop being a workaholic
* IT stirred up a strong sense of gratitude for everything I ever had and now have- including my health.
* IT took away my superficial vanities. ( NO matter how cute I think I am, I can land on my butt any minute)
* IT forces me to take life one day at a time, rely on God, and let go of expectations.
Now with treatment, IT shows up 3 times a day instead of 20-30. But since IT will never go away, IT allows me to keep learning. And IT has become a beautiful gift with really ugly packaging.
So I hope that whatever IT you might be struggling with, you can see the beauty, the perks, and how brave you are to deal with the IT in your life. And never think you are alone.
Everyone has IT.