Okay, ladies, I didn't get hit by a bus... I just hit a wall. But now I've peeled myself off the wall, and I'm back with all the obnoxiousness as before, and maybe even more. And I am simply...unapologetic. I have written other things, which are saved in my computer. But this thought came to me today, in a moment, and I decided to share it with you...enjoy!
When all of us got married, we danced under the expectation that we would somehow be the same the rest of our lives. Sure, we would get old, but no one told you that you might also get...CRAZY.
"Whatever! I'm not crazy!" you say.
And I say, "Just wait. It will happen. Some sooner than others, but it will happen!"
So, when did I turn crazy? Well, it was a process really. I think it started when my hubby and I went through our first real trial...one week into our marriage.
Then eight months later, I found out I was pregnant with our first daughter. This is usually a time when a family is thrilled about the upcoming birth of a child, but I was slowly falling off my rocker.
Weird stuff was happening to me, like I would shake when I talked about emotional issues.
What's up with that?
At first I thought I was a walking freak show.
It went something like this:
I would be crying to my hubby about my day, saying stuff like, "... and then, it really hurt my feelings that so and so was so disrespect--holy cow! Look at my hand! It's shaking! Wow. Weird. I should get that checked out!"
But I didn't. I was too busy living a selfish life and driving to taco bell.
Then after my third child, I realized something; I was certifiably nuts. I didn't want to get out of bed. Everything made me cry. I wasn't excited about life. My children were proof that hours upon hours of television can't ruin your kids (especially when it's PBS, but that's another blog).
I would often forget things, important things, like my kids' names. That's when I knew things were not good.
When I called the pediatrician (I should have been calling for me) the receptionist asked, "What's your child's name?"
"Ummmm... I don't know, just a second."
I'm sure she wanted to hang up! She probably thought I was a crazy person who was going to show up there with a stuffed monkey I referred to as, "My Child." (I may have, too, if I hadn't gotten help.)
But I get help. Did I have to wait for it to get that bad, forgetting my children's names, and talking to stuffed monkeys? No. But I am prideful and egotistical. It takes a lot for me to realize I'm a nut case.
So I went to the doctor. I cried the whole time. He wrote on his note pad.
I was crazy!
My thyroid was out of control. It causes fatigue, memory loss, and the crazies! And worst of all--anxiety--hence the shaking hands.
It was all coming together now.
I started medication for anxiety and for my thyroid. My ego was broken. I wasn't perfect. Still adorable, but not perfect.
One week after getting help, my husband came home from work. I was happy. I was myself. I was in the kitchen making dinner, and he came in and said the funniest words.
"Honey, I thought having all those kids ruined you. I can't believe it! You're that happy girl I married!"
My response has become my motto:
"Honey, don't you know? All you need is love! That...and a small dose of Prozac!"
So I leave you with that. If you have emotional struggles and feel incomplete, just know, it's bound to happen to everyone at some point. Bottom line, you're still amazing, great, and wonderful...and a little crazy.
Welcome to the club.